monkey placing things in holes

Recently the monkey has learned how to place items into holes. For example, he has a large piggy bank with plastic coins. The object is to place the coins into the slot and the piggy makes noises. It has taken him a long time to understand this concept, but now he does and he really enjoys himself. He also has an elephant that shoots balls. You place the balls into the hole and they come out of his trunk and delight ensues. He claps and laughs and balls go flying all over the living room floor. His greatest discovery of all though is that you can fit your finger into your nose hole and it feels great inside there. He spends way too much time digging around his nose for hidden treasure and really seems to relish in this discovery. He smiles and looks at you with such pride that he has figured out that this action can be done. Luckily he hasn't quite figured out the extraction part of this action, but for now he has figured out that the tool can be placed inside the hole and I think the extraction part is just around the corner.

Thanksgiving dinner

I decided to host Thanksgiving this year for 7 people. I learned two important lessons from this experience. Lesson number one is that you better enjoy cooking because you may spend 12 hours preparing the meal, but it will be eaten within an hour.  You may spend forty five minutes making sure the fresh cranberry sauce has enough lime zest in it to counter balance the sugar but the people eating it will throw it on there turkey whether it's from a can or you make it fresh.
I really had a great time preparing this meal. I enjoyed going over the menu in my head two weeks before hand, shopping for everything, making the soup, peeling the twenty potatoes, and brining the turkey Wednesday night. I even woke up at 3am in order to flip the turkey for the brine and couldn't fall asleep until 4am because I kept thinking about how my free range turkey would taste.  In the end the turkey was moist and delicious and i'd like to think that the sides and soup were as well. The best thing about my Thanksgiving dinner was that the most important people in my life were with me around my dining round table.
The second lesson I learned is that take it easy when adding flour to make your gravy. I spent the most amount of time preparing my gravy, thinking if the turkey was dry and tasteless the gravy would be there to save the day. I fried up the neck and giblets of the turkey with onions, garlic, and shallots. I added chicken stock and fresh herbs and boiled this mixture for two hours. I then took that stock and added it to the pan drippings from the turkey until I had created the tastiest gravy I could. I then started thickening it with flour, and more flour, and more flour. Eventually it started to thicken so I was happy. Unfortunately it didn't stop to thicken until I had what resembled a jello mold of gravy. So the lesson learned is to be patient when making gravy because if you don't you will end up with a jello mold of gravy which doesn't pour well over turkey and or mash potatoes.

A lovely Saturday morning

When I was a younger human my Saturday morning routine went something like this. Wake up around 10, lie in bed until 10:30. I then would get up and go downstairs to the diner in my building and have a nice leisurely breakfast. At that point I would go back upstairs to my apartment take a shower and start my weekend.
    Today I woke up at 6:30 because the baby was crying, and after arguing with my wife for 10 minutes about who should get up, I lost and got up to take care of the monkey. After feeding him milk and hanging out with him for a while, I needed to take the dog out and decided that I would go and get muffins for the family for breakfast. After being dragged by the dog for 10 blocks I picked up the muffins and was dragged back home. Jambo almost grabbed a pigeon a couple of times but was a little too slow. We then had a lovely breakfast for 10 minutes until monkey started making horrible choking noises while eating the muffin. He then threw up all over himself and his high chair what looked like a cascading waterfall of milk filled with blue chunks resembling blueberries and chunks of muffin pieces. After a long arduous cleaning it is now 8:30 AM and i'm ready for the next hurdle of the day.
      At the end of the day I wouldn't trade it for anything, but while cleaning up vomit I couldn't help but think about that former life and how much easier things were!

Umbrellas

If I was mayor of NY the first thing I would do is outlaw golf umbrellas within city limits. I find nothing more frustrating then trying to walk around the city with my normal size umbrella, while someone with an umbrella the size of the entire sidewalk walks by splashing water everywhere or poking me in the face. I understand the use of golf umbrellas on the golf course but they aren't called city umbrellas they are called golf umbrellas. Please go out and buy a regular umbrella for city use and keep the golf umbrella for what it has been designed for. We live in a society people where you have to take other people into consideration when you make a decision.

Monkeys eating habits and reincarnation.

So I have concluded that the monkey must have been poisoned by someone very close to him in a former life. Every time I feed him we go through this "fun" routine before he finally starts to eat.

1. The introduction phase. This is how we get started. I put a bowl of food in front of him. The same food he has eaten everyday for the last few months. He looks at the food and looks at me and as the spoon gets close to his face he turns his head and smacks the spoon full of food all over the place. He then looks at me with an expression that says "What the hell do you think you're doing trying to shove that crap into my mouth"

2. This is the getting food into his mouth face. This is when I feel like on one of those miniature golf windmill holes where his mouth is the hole and his swinging arm the windmill. If I time it just right I can shove the spoon into his mouth and then I wait.

3. "The face" This is when he does the Oh my God what have you just put into my mouth? This is the most terrible thing I have ever had in my mouth. This could be anything from a lovely piece of muffin to a spoon of yogurt. He still looks absolutely disgusted and pretends to choke and vomit up the food.

4. Acceptance. After this fun ritual he swallows the first spoon and then spends the next ten minutes with his mouth wide open allowing you to put the rest of the food in his gullet. Of course this is done while singing various songs from the classic old McDonald to some weird sounding Russian children songs. If he doesn't like the song you are singing then you go back to step one!

Poker 910 suited vs JJ

Let me start this post by saying that if you don't play poker this isn't directed at you. If you want to learn how to play poker google how to play texas hold em and feel free to email me and come join us in our next poker game.

So if someone said would you rather have JJ to start a hand or 9 10 suited to start a hand a person would choose JJ but I disagree. Let's discuss why. We will set this up by saying you are playing at the casino in a 1/2 NL table. You have $200 in front of you as does everyone else on the table. It's a normal table with some good players, some fish sticks, and some in between.  So let's walk through each hand. Position will play a big part of every poker hand so i'm going to keep this as simple as possible and say we are next to button, or the hijack seat. It's a strong seat to be in because you get to act last after the flop or second to last if the button plays. I'm going to make this a typical hand so we'll say that the third player raises it to $10 and the person next to you calls the $10.

JJ option 1: You can raise up to $30. You have a nice starting hand and probably are ahead at this point. You can hopefully take the two $10 bets behind you without having to see a hand play out and then everything is great. If someone calls and the flop is low enough without a higher face card or an Ace you probably are ok to bet and take the pot.

Option 2: You call the $10 bet and hope for a low flop, This is a passive play and it doesn't alert the other players that you have a relatively strong starting hand. The problem with calling the bet is that if the flop is K59 you would have a harder time representing you have a hand like AK then you would if you made it $30. Again you are hoping here for a low flop of 579 or something where no card on the flop is higher than a J. If it is you will have to tread lightly and hope for the best.

910 suited option 1: You can raise it up to $30 as well but the problem is you don't have very strong starting cards so you basically will have to bluff a fair amount of time on the flop if you play this hand this way. You can probably get away with it sometimes and get called other times. For example you make it $30 and get one call and flop again is 3 5 A maybe you can bet strong and they will fold thinking you had AK.

Option 2: You call and see what happens. I like this play with 9 10 suited because you're not investing a lot and you don't have to bluff on the flop although you can if both players check to you. If you miss the flop and someone bets then you fold no problem.

OK so now you have the two options with each hand. I would say the average good player is going to raise with JJ in that position to $30 and call in that position with 9 10 suited for $10. If you disagree feel free to tell me why, but the basic premise is that with JJ you want to shut down the hand on the flop while with 910 suited you are trying to hit the flush or straight which probably won't happened until the later rounds. This premise is why 910 suited is better than JJ. With JJ you will either win $20 if both players fold to you preflop or the flop will come 459 and you can bet $40 or so and you will win $40 plus the blinds (they call $30 preflop and $10 from other better) If you bet that $40 and the person calls you then you are nervous. You have JJ so you have to keep betting on the next card if it is low and if it's over a J you are scared.  Basically you are winning on average $40 if it goes the way you want. Now of course if you make it $30 and the flop is A74 you have a decision to make. If they bet at you, you have to fold and if they check you have to pretend you have an Ace and hopefully the fold. Again your hands ends on the flop either positively or negatively.
Now with your 910 suited you have called $10 so far. Three of you are in the hand and the bad flop comes 2KA, someone bets you fold and you lose $10. No worries life goes on. On the other hand if you flop 8JQ you have a monster straight and you can win a lot of money because it's not a hand that people will expect you to have. More likely what will happened is you will hit a draw so let's play it out that way. Let's say you have 910 of spades. Flop comes out 8s7hAd. You have hit the straight draw and that Ace out there will hopefully induce some action. Now you have a 33% chance of hitting the hand you are going for but IF IT HITS you will win a lot more than your $40 with Jacks.
In conclusion while JJ is a better hand all in all, you have more potential to win more money with 9 10 and more importantly to lose less money with it over JJ. The only thing that can be said is that if you are chasing draws you won't hit them every times so you are losing money that way. To that I say you are correct but that's why you have to know how much of a bet to call.
I will say that with JJ you can win a big pot, but chances are with 910 suited it will happened more often if you play the hand correctly.

The myth vs reality of parenting

On my way home today I started thinking about how lucky I am to be a parent. How I have this little boy made out clay, that I get to mold into the person that he will someday become. I will be with him when he figures out that 2+2=4, how to tie his shoes, and most importantly how to hit an effective kick serve (this will be by the time he is seven). This made me smile and then I walked into the apartment.

The monkey greeted me by screaming when I tried to pick him up because he didn't want to leave Grandma and then he decided to have a massive poop which I had the pleasure of cleaning up while he was kicking and trying very hard to spread poop all over the place. Now he is sitting next to me banging the keyboard while I try type and once again screaming because I won't let him bang the keyboard. I guess for every moment of delight, watching him take his first steps and say his first words there will be many more moments of complete frustration, patience wearing thin, and tumolt. I guess parenting can be a picnic but while enjoying the benefits of the picnic the bees are flying all around trying to sting you whenever they can!

Indian Buffet

Today for lunch I am going with some friends to an Indian Buffet for lunch. An amazing experience where you are transformed to a land of plenty where you are able to eat way more than you should and spend the rest of the day regretting that last plate of food. I don't envision Indians going to a restaurant in Delhi and sitting around a table eating 4 giant plates of food and spending 100 rubes. Yet somehow this concept and tradition is firmly in place in 95% of Indian restaurants in the United States.
   So this made me think, why is Indian food the only buffet cuisine? Why don't they have Thai buffets, or Italian buffets, or Japanese buffets? It's as if every Indian restaurant that opens comes with a manual that says if you're going to open a restaurant you must do a lunch buffet or else you may not open this restaurant at all.

Theories are welcomed to this phenomenon.....

A nice simple dinner

After a long day breaking up rocks in the mine it's nice to come home and cook a simple delicious somewhat nutritious dinner.

Ingredients:
1 shallot chopped fine
2 cloves of garlic chopped fine
12-15 cherry tomatoes
1 package of italian turkey sausage spicy or sweet, but I prefer spicy (about 1lb)
12-15 small portobello mushrooms
1 tbsp butter
1 tbsp of olive oil
2 Tbsp of white wine
2 Tbsp of fresh chopped basil
1 package of fresh pasta, such as cheese and roasted garlic tortellini

If turkey sausage is raw place it in a pan with enough olive oil to cover bottom of pan,  and brown it well. Take out of pan and in the pan Place butter and olive oil and heat to medium high. Once butter is melted add shallots and garlic and cook for a few minutes. To that add mushrooms quartered and then add white wine. Turn flame up to high and let the wine cook down until there is almost no liquid left in the pan. While that is cooking put the tomatoes in a pan and combine with olive oil,  1tsp of salt and 1/4 tsp of pepper and mix well. Put the tomatoes in the broiler for about 5 minutes until they are shriveled and breaking apart. Place the tomatoes and the turkey sausage into the pan and let it all cook together for 8 minutes until sausage is cooked through. Add two pinches of sugar to pan and a pinch of salt.
Meanwhile cook pasta as directed on package. Drain pasta and add it to pan with the other ingredients and combine well.  Add fresh chopped basil and add grated parmegan cheese and serve to hungry gratified people!!

A baby, a dog with diarrhea and a dad home alone....

I'm sure everyone has heard the riddle with the chicken, the fox, and the sack of grain getting across the river. If you haven't look it up because that's not the point. I found myself in a similar situation today except it was a dog with diarrhea, a baby, and a father home alone. 

The easy solution would be to take the dog out with the baby. Unfortunately this particular dog is a huge puller and doesn't do well walking without trying as hard as he can to rip the arm out of my socket. To be walking with him while pushing a stroller puts several lives at risk and I'm not prepared to take that risk.

 The second solution is to call your wife so you're not home alone. Unfortunately since it's marathon Sunday my wife cannot cross first avenue to come back home from work. She would need to take a circuitous route that would have taken her 30 minutes to get home. A dog with diarrhea doesn't give you notice, he just all of a sudden stares at you and starts crying that he needs to poop.

 So what is the solution? Unfortunately it's the terrace. My beautiful terrace where I grill my food and sit outside with a cup of coffee and contemplate all lives problems and solutions. Jambo went out there and did his business and I spent the next 20 minutes cleaning up his mess while trying very hard not to vomit everywhere. I guess the point is that while owning a dog and having a baby is incredibly awesome, there are certain pitfalls that you never plan when deciding how cute it will be to have a baby and dog grow up together. Life has many of these unplanned situations that come up and sometimes you just need to let your dog poop all over the terrace and deal with the ramifications. 

Chilean Sea Bass

Another incredible place besides Russ & Daughters is the Essex Street Market. The market is located within a few blocks of Russ & Daughters and makes the perfect place to start your wonderful Lower East Side journey. After drinking a cappuccino and working very hard not to spill any on the monkey strapped to my chest,  we headed to buy some cheese and fish. The cheese we bought was really good but that's a story for another day. The focus is on the amazing fish known as Chilean Sea Bass. Our family believes in sustainable fish practices so we eat this particular fish once a year on marathon weekend. I made that part up, but the once a year thing is true.

     Chilean Sea Bass sells for $30 a pound in the ridiculous overpriced market by us and $15 a pound in Essex Street Market. We really had no choice but to buy the fish. After almost forgetting the fish on the bus (My brain was spending 93% of its capacity on bagel and lox and 7% on not tripping and falling with monkey attached to me) I grilled it for dinner. I am not really sure how God managed to put a stick of butter inside each fish and expect them not to go extinct, but that was one tasty fish. I made a sauce to go on top of it and roasted some purple potatoes and it was a lovely dinner. 

Here is the recipe:

Two 10oz filets of fish (sea bass or any white fleshy fish that can be grilled works) Rub fish with olive oil and add salt and pepper to it and grill about 7 minutes a side until fish flakes with a fork and internal temp reaches 130 Fahrenheit.

Sauce:

Combine fat and flour 1.5 Tbsp of each (any combo of butter and olive oil you choose) into a medium high non-stick pan. Whisk for about 5 minutes until you have a nice silky smooth yellow looking batter. To that add 1/2 of a shallot and a clove of garlic both chopped well. 1Tbsp of soy sauce, 1/4 cup of white wine, 1/4 cup of water and 1/2 of the juice of a lime. Add some black pepper and salt if you need it and two nice size pinches of sugar. Cook for about 10 minutes total.

Add sauce to fish and yummy yummy yum!! 

Looking forward to watching the marathon tomorrow. I'm betting on the African guy winning this year....any takers?

Russ and Daughters

Dear fellow New Yorkers and anyone within 100 miles of the city. If you live your life without eating a bagel and lox from Russ and Daughters you haven't lived at all. I love food, I mean absolutely love it to the point where in the morning I wake up and already start thinking about what I will be eating for dinner. It is one of the pleasures that all of us humans have in life.
Perhaps that's not true since the majority of humans don't have the luxury of eating whatever they want whenever they want. The point is that if you live in New York you must go to Russ and Daughters and order a bagel and lox with cream cheese before you continue living. For those of you saying I've had bagels and lox from the Jewish deli down the road. Sure you have and it was fine but that's like saying that I don't need to go to in and out burger because I've eaten a quarter pounder from Mc Donalds.

The taste is basically like eating a lightly salted piece of butter with a slightly fish flavor. The texture is amazing from the smooth and silky texture of the lox to the crunch of the bagel and the softness of cream cheese.  If you are within 100 miles of the city get on a bus or a train or a plane and go there and order a bagel and then afterwards have solice that even if you die the next moment it will be worth it.

Here is the link russanddaughters.com

Aggravations of living in New York

Today while walking around with monkey I realized that people don't understand how curbs work. There is an area on the curb that is flat so people in wheel chairs, or walking with monkeys in strollers can get to the sidewalk without having to pop a wheelie over the curb.
Do people move out of the way? Some do but others just stand there and stare at you with an expression that conveys a mix of anger and annoyance. I'm sorry fellow New Yorkers to make you step aside so I can get through, perhaps instead I will install some sort of mid-evil device that will impale your legs with large spikes and attach it to the stroller.
My project for the weekend will be to build a dummy that looks like a baby and put it in the stroller, when people don't move out of the way, I will pop a wheelie and tip over the stroller, dropping the baby on the street. Unfortunately the way New Yorkers are they would probably look down at the baby, kick it out of the way and cross the street!
Other than that it was a good day.

About me and the blog

My name is Mr. Mom,

I work 40 hours a week toiling away in an office and I also work as a full time dad to a precocious 14 month old named Monkey. His real name is Aaron but we prefer Monkey. I have a dog named Jambo (hello in Swahili) and I am married to a wonderful woman who works as a Radiologist here in Manhattan. My wife works more than me and comes home most nights after the baby has been put to sleep and while i'm in the middle of cooking dinner for us. Hence the name Mr. Mom!
This blog will chronicle my experiences with the Monkey, Dog, wife as well as random activities I fill my life with. These random activities include playing poker at a reasonably high level of competence, playing squash at a relatively low level of competence, as well as cooking and other things that fill my day.

Now it's off to start my day at the coal mines/office toiling away clicking buttons and making the world a better place!